My dad used to tell me a(n often told) story about a clown shoveling shit after the circus.

A guy walks up to the clown and says, "Why do you do it?" to which the clown responds, "What, and give up showbusiness?"

I oft think of this story when I am doing shitty jobs in the theatre.

I turned on the TV last week to watch my friend, who is a Rockette, perform on the on the Today Show. (I'm sure I have a problem with the sexist nature of the Rockettes but I can't take on everyone right now.)

While waiting to see my friend, I stumbled upon the idiotic (4th) hour of the Today Show.

It's clearly targeted to women who aren't working and can't talk about anything intelligible or intelligent.

It's hosted by Kathie Lee and Hoda Kotb, (a woman whose name I did not know until now after I googled her so I could write this blog). Hoda seemed very sharp and articulate.

Kathie Lee was a hot mess, but that goes without saying.

They did, however, bring on an accomplished (black, though it doesn't affect this story) woman doctor, Dr. Jennifer H. Mieres, who is the head of cardiology at NYU and the spokesperson for the Go Red Movement for Awareness of Women's Heart Disease. She was talking about how to identify heart disease early in women. She told the story of a woman whose doctor misdiagnosed her and spoke about the things to do to prevent this from happening.

And then Kathie Lee complimented her on her shoes and socks, calling her "One sexy doctor."



Why do we do these things? Why must we undercut ourselves when we're doing well?

It's not just women; men can be simple as well, certainly. I once dated a guy who knew every Chicago Bears play from 1985-1998. Useless.

But if women say smart things, can't we just let it be?

Yes, Michelle Obama dresses fierce. But she's also brilliant. Can't we listen to her talk instead of talking about what she looks like?

I think we need to shift the dialogue, ladies. Re-prioritize if we are to progress.

Back to Hoda. So apparently she started out as a Dateline correspondent and before that, worked for CBS in Cairo, Egypt.

But today on Today, Hoda is going to get a bird-poo facial.

That's right. Shit on her face.





I turned off the TV, discouraged.

IS THAT ALL THERE IS?

Flash forward to today--I'm getting a ghetto manicure/pedicure and I think I recognize a woman about to get a massage. I recognize the voice. It's Hoda.

I have to ask.

"I have to ask, are you on the Today Show?"

"Yes."

"Ok, because I think I saw you getting a bird-poo facial?"

"Ugh yes, that was me."

"How'd that work out for you?"

"I don't know, I took it off five seconds later."

"Yeah, I was gagging."

"They were saying it was from some fancy bird--"

"Right, some Japanese bird--"

"But basically it's piegon poo. It costs like $500.00"




What, and give up journalism?

We Shall Overcome, Betches.

I just had a rehearsal during which a lovely nebbishy pianist told me I am like the Gloria Steinem of the theatre. Because I have a million things going on and 1001 projects to do. And I'm probably on my way to go meet with Hillary Clinton.

He doesn't read this blog, so I wasn't sure what he meant.

He was paying me a compliment.

Perhaps he was: the way to make shit happen is to go out and do something. I'm a woman making shit happen and so are they. I am proud to be put in a sentence with them.

I have recently become a believer: we have put a black man in the White House; one day there will come a day when I'll just be called a Director.

But until then, I'll take the Hill and Gloria similes.

Don't be a Dumbass

I want to take a minute to talk about stupidity.

I don't discuss politics on this blog, purposely, and I fear I'm toeing the line, but here goes.

So this guy, Scott Eckern, who is a devout Mormon, just was forced to resign from being Executive Director of California Music Theatre/Sacramento Music Circus. He gave $1,000 to support Proposition 8 in California. This was put on public record, and he has been Found Out.

He says he didn't know.

I don't have a lot of money, but if I were to donate $1,000 to a cause, I might find out what it is.

So he is being attacked based on the presumption that that he did know, which he sort of revealed, ish, when he said it was a personal and religious matter. Which it is.

And now there's a witch hunt and I think he has become the focus of a lot of (justified) anger about the Proposition being passed. This deluge of anger might be slightly misplaced, but maybe not.

Regardless, if you work in the industry with lotsa gays, you might want to think about how it's going to look when you support a measure that has been considered harmful to those you employ. It was a bad political move for him, and now he is suffering the consequences.

Equally disturbing to me is the fact that he hits on women incessantly at his theatre, but no one's writing those letters. (I am only able to call this out now because another group took him down.)

I digress.

I'm learning that men are very silly, and I wonder if Scott Eckern didn't even notice the gays. I wonder if he just looked at the ladies ta tas and ignored all the flaming queens belting Dreamgirls in the dressing room.

He is one of those, with a ring on the finger and a twinkle in his eye...straight men, tolerant or not, just don't seem to be that interested in gay sex.

There are like 5 straight men in the theatre (and now there are 4) so this evidence is purely anecdotal.

I would venture to say that Scott Eckern lost his job because he is just another horny man.

Open your eyes. Stop looking at our tits. There's a world around you.

Jesus. Titty-Fucking. Christ.

(and Joseph Smith, too.)

Jazz Hands.

People.

Hello people.

I am sick but have been beckoned to write.

When I was 12, I was asked to write a review of the movie Curly Sue for my middle school newspaper. I went to a pre-screening at Deerbrook Mall and took a notepad. I was all excited.

I wrote the review on my IBM and printed it out on the paper with the perforated holes on the side you have to pull off. I turned it in.

Months later (this wasn't the most timely of publications) some douchebag 8th grader comes in my 6th grade homeroom looking for me. He told me my work had been plagiarized and that it wouldn't be in the school paper.

I was sort of shocked then and when I think on't now, which I recently did, I am appalled.

Was it REALLY that good?

Maybe it was: I'm a good writer and I ended up being the editor-in-chief of my High School paper, yada yada; I write this blog and you're reading it, etc.

Ok, so I was a good f'in writer, even at 12. And there I was being told I was doing something worthy of suspension, were it on an actual class assignment.

They never showed me the review from which I had allegedly "stolen" my material. This was pre-internet--I tried digging through the Tribune myself to find it but to no avail.

I have become a director as a grown up; it makes sense to me that I might have had a critical eye as a kid.

(Godforbid that should have been encouraged.)

Was it cause I was a young girl? What if I had been a young boy? Who knows? I do recall learning in Psych class that there was a study that showed teachers respond to boys with a "yes, and," and that girls get a one-word response. But this, rather, was a two-word response:

"Step off."

I was reminded of this now because I'm getting a lot of: "Who the fuck are you?"

I think it's because I am short and yes, say it with me, that I'm a woman.

So the next time you see a 5'2" cute jewess or gentile or black or white or asian or latina, don't doubt her abilities.

Assume greatness and deduce from there.

Thanks. :)