Go eff yourself, smegman.

So I'm in the Chicago 'burbs now, crossing the street today, checking my blackberry, and some guy shouts out the window: "Do you think you REALLY have to be on your phone right now?"

I didn't catch what he said fast enough to give him the finger or shout back "Go eff yourself," like I normally do.

But then I thought about it.

Yes, I really have to be on my phone right now. I'm running a business. I'm reading an important email from my Managing Director. So I'm crossing the street more slowly than you'd like. I have the right of way. And yes, I really have to be on my phone right now.

And then it occurred to me: if I were a man, in a suit, checking my blackberry, strolling across the street, this man wouldn't have shouted at me because I might be Important.

Well.

I would like to think I am very Important. I am a 5'2" jeans-wearing woman and I am running a new theatre company. We're presenting exciting new works this summer.

So go eff yourself.

It occurred to me, also, as I was listening recently to the foul language that comes out of my mouth, that I use the word "pussy," and "cunt," "twat," and "chatch," to describe people. So do many. Even the ever-popular "douchebag" is describing the outpouring of remnants from a vagina into a plastic bottle. And we use vaginal excretions to describe people. They are the lowest form of a human being: a douchebag.

We are so used to these words we don't think about what they mean. But they have great significance.

Our language is so slanted to hate women and speak degradingly about our parts that of course we still hold anger and disrespect towards women, subconsciously, or outwardly, as this--there I go--douchebag--did today.

How about: a smegman. Or a dingleberried, pot-bellied, hairless-but-hairy-everywhere else egomaniac. (Can we put that in a word?)

Or how about the equal opportunity: "asshole." We all have those and no one's is pretty.

The next time you want to say "d-bag," or "pussy," choose another word. And please choose carefully.