Love & The City.

Now there's a show I'd watch.

Crack Whore

I think that if chiropractors owned who they were they wouldn't get so much crap from the medical community.

I'm sitting there, today, getting cracked and adjusted and manipulated and handled by a guy who calls himself "Doctor," and I'm like, this guy isn't a "Doctor." He doesn't even play one on T.V.

But chiropractic is the most effective treatment I've had for my ailing joints and muscles.

Dude, you're not a doctor: you didn't cut open a cadaver, you didn't do a residency, you haven't watched someone die. You crack me and make me feel better. So why not just call it out? You're taking on the name of a very serious profession that requires years and years of training and expertise and they, rightfully so, aren't thrilled about it.

And furthermore, don't try to tell people that what real doctors do is wrong and that Western Medicine is evil--just do your thing. I get these hippie-dippy emails in my inbox from a chiropractor about how medicine is bad and pills are bad and run from MDs because they will eat your children.

Please.

Call yourself an "Alignment Specialist," or a "Pain Management Technician."

I leave and I feel eight inches taller, my legs don't feel like they are in my armpits and my shoulders are lower. It's a beautiful thing.

It's a good lesson, I thought, to own who you are. Because you might actually be better than what you are trying to be.

Dot my Tees and Cross my Eyes

I have found that I am attracted to good punctuation.

This is weird, considering it's, well, particular.

I am in contact with a writer (on one of the internet dating situations) at the moment, and I find his good punctuation attractive.

I had noted in my JDate profile years ago that I was looking for someone who "knew the proper use of the semi-colon."

An adviser heard that and said, "Well, there was a man in a small village in India who knew that when the fish swam in shallow water, the Tsunami [of 2004] was coming and he got his entire village to the top of the mountain and every one of them survived. I bet he doesn't know the proper usage of a semi-colon."

And I heard what she said. And since then I have been trying to challenge my own notions of what "intelligence" is: that it can present itself different ways and sizes and shapes. Which, of course, it can.

But these emails from this writer have sort of gotten to me, and I'm revisiting why I like it. Perhaps it's because it shows attention to detail, a particular sort of gesture that says "I am specific!" Perhaps it's because it's a sign of intelligence, a sign of being well-bred, a sign that someone can, yes, I'm going to say it, provide for me in the sense that He will be a source of intelligence and wisdom (to complement my own, of course.)

I have revisited the notion that good punctuation is not a sufficient condition for attraction, but (as my father would say) a necessary one.

And I don't live in a small village. So screw that.

Thanks But No Thanks

I'd like to note that when I changed my Facebook status back to "Single" (nothing had changed in my life; I just felt like putting it out there) I get pay-per-click ads on my page about weight loss.

I don't get them when "I'm in a Relationship" or my status isn't noted.

Therefore, by the transitive property, some advertising genius has deduced that Single=Fat.

Bless America.

GAY, Dear

So I'm sitting in a Starbucks, attempting to get work done but am interrupted by the irritation of an engaged couple talking to what is most likely their priest or minister. "I want a location where you can see the Hudson," she swoons. "My mother and I have a love/hate relationship," she blabs. "My dad is 90% Italian, his [indicating her fiance] name is more Italian than mine but I'm ACTUALLY more Italian."

This was amusing to them.

I thought, what a great match, both equally bland, and they've found one another.

Except I look up and he's clearly gay. I know it. They're on their way out and I want to shout: "HE'S GAY."

But who am I to destroy their marital bliss?

A friend I know got married to a man on whom she cheated, repeatedly. I reluctantly went to the wedding and during it, wanted to SCREAM: "RUN. SHE HAS CHEATED ON YOU ALREADY."

Now they're in couples therapy two years in and, well, she's cheated again.

He knows about it, apparently.

Again, who am I? Maybe people LIKE having gay husbands. Maybe weak people LIKE having a wife who cheats. Maybe it keeps things interesting.

Maybe I'm the one who's boring.